Confession: I care about the opinions of man way to much. This has been a struggle of mine for a very long time and I first realized it my freshman year in college. Since then I have constantly battled the temptation to do or say things for man's glory as well as to be reserved out of fear of man's judgment.
This care of man's opinion manifests itself in boasting, lying, being shy and being gregarious. I boast for glory, lie for glory, am shy out of the fear of judgment and am gregarious so people will like me. I say these in the present tense because I am far from overcoming this temptation. God and I have made great strides against it but the problem is me. I slip back in to my default mode. If, for a couple of days I don't remind myself to worry about God's thoughts of me instead of others, I drift back into my old routine.
Why do these opinions bear so much weight on me? When the opinions are negative (a mocking laugh, a glare, even an imagined looked of disdain) they make me unhappy. When the opinions are positive (a compliment) they really make me happy. Shouldn't my joy constantly be based upon God's love for me?
The root of this is singular: Idolatry.
David Clarkson say's in his discourse on idolatry that there are thirteen acts of worship (he explains them at length). Mindfulness, Intention, Resolution, Love, Trust, Fear, Hope, Desire, Delight, Zeal, Gratitude and Industry. Of the thirteen I commit idolatry (when it comes to caring what men think) in the areas of Mindfulness, Intention and Delight.
Mindfulness-"That which we are most mindful of—we make our God." If, when I am surrounded by a group of people and all I think about is how to impress or how to avoid being judged negatively, I am being mindful. That is just one example. But often I am definitely mindful of others opinions rather than God's opinion of me. This mindfulness is due only to God (Ecc. 12:1).
I'm not going to go through all thirteen (you should it's a great read, pretty convicting) but trust me, I know I am committing idolatry when I care so much about what people think.
The fact of the matter is: My joy should be constantly based upon God's love for me and God's love is the reason He should be worshiped above all. I really don't need to impress anyone. I don't need to fear anyone. As long as I seek to fervently glorify God, it'll be alright.
C.S. Lewis says in The Weight of Glory: "We should hardly dare to ask that any notice be taken of ourselves. But we pine. The sense that in this universe we are treated as strangers, the longing to be acknowledged, to meet with some response, to bridge some chasm that yawns between us and reality is part of our inconsolable secret. And surely this point of view, the promise of glory, in the sense described, becomes highly relevant to our deep desire. For glory means good report with God, acceptance by God, response, acknowledgment and welcome into the heart of things...Perhaps it seems rather crude to describe glory as the fact of being 'noticed' by God."
I often wonder why, when we do an act for God and then, like a young child to his father cry out "Hey, look what I did! I did this for you!"? We should seek the notice of God, not man...What other way than to tell God what you did rather than those around us? Doing so may make one more inclined tell God of his "good deed" instead of others. This childlike enthusiasm for pleasing God could stir up a passion and enjoyment for being righteous. I think it would be a good remedy for me if I took pleasure in my victories and works for God and enjoy them by saying to our Lord "God look what I did! That was for you alone!"
This isn't a self-inflicting "Oh my Lord I am so depraved, I am the wretched scum of the earth" pity post. Yes, I am depraved, but I've been redeemed and I have so much joy in the cross. This post was for Spiritual growth purposes for the community (me included). I have no doubt that at least a few people have read this can relate in some way, there's nothing new under the sun and I am not alone in my sin, someone somewhere has done the same thing.
As Steve Timmis says in Total Church "Biblcial Spirituality is not about contemplation; it is about reading and meditating on the word of God. It is not about detached silence; it is about passionate petition. It is not about solitude; it is about participation in community." This book lays our three practical actions for biblical spirituality: Prioritize prayer with others over prayer alone, we must not separate our relationship with God from our relationship with others and we need to exhort and encourage one another daily. I hope I may have accomplished the latter two in this post. I'm not a perfect man and I am not always right, to write like I was both would be a lie and prideful. I want to daily loose control of my life to Christ and I think the best way to do this is with others. Lets loose control.
Soli Deo Gloria
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